Haven’t had a dream that I’ve had time to post about in a while. We will thank my work’s picnic today for me posting this morning. 

I was in a movie scene, basically, but it was not really an interesting movie. I was with 2 friends - a guy and a girl. We were younger, and we were in a house (vampire’s or ours, not sure which now) and a vampire showed up. He was discreet but wanted to kill us. Or find us. Or both? He chased us around and we never fully let him catch up, and some points he almost did but we’d hide places he couldn’t find us in time. Like the main example, it’s a hole hidden in some back room, and it led to a normal huge staircase that had different levels. It went to a bedroom that he didn’t know had a hole either. This was a game of back and forth and adrenaline, the WHOLE time. I literally woke up sweating and thinking I’ve had this dream as a child many times. I can’t tell you if that’s the truth though. I guess that made me nervous enough to not dream it any longer that night. 

Let’s move on, and I was feeling like I was in another movie, haha. I was with a group of kids, young teens, and they were going to explore this forbidden school/mental place/home.. that was still in use. One of them said “we won’t run into (insert mom name) and she won’t hurt us if we don’t” and I reluctantly went along. This was a huge wrap around building, and we almost were found a few times. We found steps to the inside in a crack between building walls, and that was scary. I remember hiding behind trees so the lady didn’t see us, and then I remember being alone in a room (well, without those kids) and someone that was helping me told me to hide in the closet, because I was trying to stay in some  bedroom that was already occupied by some girl. Her mom was the bad lady. Or maybe it was her nanny, but whatever. I hid in the closet, which was kind of huge and kind of creepy, and the lady came in the closet and didn’t notice me standing there, then after, she didn’t notice me a second time acting like a pile of clothes. Not kidding. It was more realistic, but I’m sure in real life I’d have been caught, lol. Then I had to hide in the shower, because apparently if I didn’t keep moving, she needed those things and I would have been found. I hid there in some water and had to cover myself with the curtain and such, to seem like it was her SON showering? Just because the daughter was in bed, and was told to say it was him. I had to fake shower, that was really odd. Thankfully I didn’t have to say anything, I was all nervous about that. 

The night before, I had a dream involving my whole family, a weird old house boat, and heights. Oh, and my grama’s house. I can’t get into it, and barely remember now. Just noting, it was awesomely weird. Also, recently I had a dream I was being chased by two men throughout a neighborhood. That was cool too. Noteworthy I tell you, noteworthy. 

I go from so happy and on the top of the world, to so low and wanting to lie in my bed and never come out. All in the blink of an eye. I literally feel pains in my stomach and chest, and I don’t want to do anything else tonight but have to. I don’t understand how someone can think they are doing something so great for another, and then find out down the road that that wasn’t the case, or not the whole story. I know I won’t make much sense, I can promise I do not contain alcohol or drugs in my system, for I never will. I just get confused, and in turn, start to sound confusing. Woop dee doo. How can one person stress over so much at once? I don’t follow that, but that’s me. I wish I knew how to let go, how to just think other people aren’t me. I can’t do that. I can’t get past any of that. When I am hurt, I am a talker. I need to get it out, and when I am ignored it messes with my head. I really truly think it messes with my head, and that sounds frightening but whatever. Whether it is because I feel I could lose a few pounds (I know this does not need to happen, it won’t), or that someone needs to talk to me more about something, I accidentally become obsessed. Until I scream and cry my lungs out, I don’t feel better. Nothing I do until it gets let out will feel right. I don’t care if this means a week from now something sets me off and I cry, it will all subconsciously be from other events that have hurt me. That I have obsessed over unhealthily. I just need to know things are a go, things are good, and life is worth living (not mine, i AM NOT suicidal in the least, so don’t panic). I mean heck, sometimes I obsess over whether or not my hermit crab is in the best little home I can give him, and then panic because I can’t make it better and I know it’s well enough for him, and I play with him like I would if he was a dog, but I still get so nervous over it. I am the queen of over thinking, and if I could just shut my brain off for a day, that would be amazing. It can’t happen, sadly, and I follow that, but still. Now that I’ve been typing about this all, my temples and head hurt, instead of my ribs. That’s cool, I guess. :/ Lots of people chalk it up as me being a big whiney complainer, but I wish they knew that that isn’t the case. When I am told I am complaining, it secretly kills me inside because I wish I didn’t sound that way, I wish I sounded like I feel in my head. I am happy and fine, yet obsessing over something, and it comes off like I’m some brat. I sure hope I’m not, because I honestly, humbly don’t think I’m one. Correct me asap if I’m wrong. Please. I like to think of the future, and then that looks bad on my part because I’m over thinking and talking and rambling and just being optimistic because the future is what people are supposed to look towards. Well, when I “look towards” something, it becomes an obsession and comes out all wrong. Always. Don’t you wish you were me? I don’t most days. I lied, only a day here and there throughout a year’s time, and today is just one of those lovely days I fear. Just be glad you aren’t me today. 

They are good. Let me tell you :P 

I had a good combo-dream the other night, but let’s see what I can remember of it. That’s always the tricky part of this lovely “acid-dreams” talent I have of seeing my dreams again in color and them being so detailed and everywhere. 

I know I was at my house, in my kitchen, and my Grama, Mom, and Dad were there, in the immediate area. We were having a cookout, or getting ready for one at least. My Grama was talking about the kittens and asking if we found them homes. I said no, and said “I haven’t seen B though lately”, and both Mom and Grama looked nervous. One said “Oh, I didn’t want to scare you, but someone shot him with pellet guns and he might die” so of course, I rage and throw things and scream for almost the rest of this part of the dream. I ask why, and they say they don’t know. They tell me who did it, and for no reason, and that B’s head is all dented from it. He’s at the vet, but might not make it. I say I will go shoot them for real, but then my Dad says not to because they do have legit guns and will be on alert for a while, and may kill me. Back up, I didn’t want to shoot them, I wanted to punch them a million times. Same idea. 

The next part of the dream was in this neat house near mine that is like a spanish clay house. I was in the yard, getting ready to have dinner with friends (I didn’t know anyone so who knows who it was!) and this girl, very pale and with lots of make up, comes up to me. She says hello, and points out her family. Says they live here. I say that is nice, and blah blah. Somehow, I figure out that she’s not human. I think I bumped into her and she said “You can’t go near me” or something, “but we can be friends!” Yep, odd. My parents and Brian were across the street in “our” house, in the dream it was, haha. I was so nervous they would meet the parents and get eaten, so even though I was friends with this girl, and wanted to see her like every day and hang out, she said her parents aren’t safe. I said “Crap, I need to tell my parents” so I tried to, and then I woke up. I know I’m missing parts of this one, but that’s creepy and funny enough for one night, right? 

Or more like “life throws you boulders that may hit you and make you unconscious or kill you” but whatever. Close enough. When someone loses a friend, loses a family member, or loses someone they just simply care about, it hurts. You toss and turn wondering where you went wrong. It happens with crushes when you find they aren’t looking your way any more, it happens with the first person you date and you think you are now “un-dateable” or not lovable any longer. It happens when someone leaves the family whether by choice or by death. Sometimes, and a lot of the time, it happens when friends decide they aren’t able to be your friend for some reason or another. It can be a falling out, a fight, a misunderstanding, or a literal distance problem. Any of them are not good, but it does happen. 

When life throws these curves, you have to learn how to either dodge them or roll with the flow of them. Neither are simple, though they may seem it, but they are in fact possible, as I’ve learned in many situations. Life has taught me many odd lessons, not worth getting into, for fear you will become bored and stop reading! Haha, or I’m just too tired to figure out all of them, for if I start a list, i MUST finish it to feel okay again. If life does throw you these curves, it’s for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. It’s sickening when someone decides they aren’t right for you, no matter who it is, but the sad fact is it happens, after 7 months or after almost 9 years. 9 years, that would be close to half of my life.

I have decided life is worth living, rather than concerning my whole world with others. Living life is getting by the best way I know how to, and it is living it so that I am happy in my own skin, no matter the consequences. If I am happy by buying things that make me smile, so be it. If I tear up with joy after giving a homeless man and dog the rest of my gigundo water, then so be that too. People can be giving as well as happy with the finer things in life. The nice thing is “the finer things” to some people may be yachts, wine, and celebrity treatment, and then to someone else it may be a comfortable warm blanket in the winter. Literally anywhere in between can be a variety of “finer things” that people view as important and/or enjoyable. I love to death the feeling of helping someone out, whether that be my family with little things around the house, or someone that is homeless and in need of some water. I don’t have much, but with what I do have, I am blessed and happy with. I have my flaws, as we ALL do. I don’t have a job just yet, but life is out there and will send me the right one. It will happen. I eventually won’t live with my parents, but for the time being, it is a great help and is time spent being around them. More than when I leave, at least.

Life knows what will come next, and it is prepared to teach from any little thing. Bad things happen, and dealing with them and working them out is hard, but not impossible. People that may come and go will be memories, and even if they are in your life until your dying day, they will be a memory. The good, the bad, and the in between will be there, at least what you are capable of remembering, and these memories are really important to shaping who you are/who you will be. People that leave you will either come back or they will be gone for good, and either way, you have to be prepared. Life has consequences. We are all human, and we all have emotions and are capable of over-thinking and over-reacting to situations, but that’s being alive. If I was not emotional, not thoughtful, what would I be? NOT ME. That’s what! I don’t want to be anybody but me, thanks. :) God made me this way, and I’m completely happy with the way I process emotions, and think about issues. There’s only one me. <3